How to Ask for Feedback as a Nonprofit Leader (Even if You're a Beginner)

As an LGBTQ+ and BIPOC nonprofit leader who cares about the work they are doing and want to make it better, what do you do when you're not getting the kind of feedback you need to strengthen your work?

Here's what you can do: Learn how to effectively communicate your personal feedback preferences for receiving feedback to your manager.

In this post, we'll dive into the key steps to asking for feedback as a nonprofit leader, even if you're just starting out. We'll cover:

• How to identify your ideal feedback style
• Craft the right language to request feedback
• Navigate feedback-averse organizational cultures
• Maximize the impact of the feedback you receive

By the end, you'll have scripts, examples and and confidence to take charge of your professional development and make sure you're getting the guidance you need to strengthen your change-making work.

Overcoming a "Culture of Politeness or Niceness"

Before we get into all the details around how to ask for feedback, it's muy importante to first address a common challenge many nonprofit leaders face: working within a "culture of politeness or niceness" that makes open feedback difficult.

The culture of "politeness" or "niceness" characteristics includes:

• Conflict avoidance: People avoid giving feedback that could be seen as critical, hurtful or cause tension.
• Stigma against questioning the status quo: Those who challenge the way things are done are often marginalized or scapegoated.
• Prioritizing "niceness" over meaningful inclusion: The belief that being polite to each other is the same as creating a truly inclusive environment.
• Fear of repercussions: Employees are afraid to speak up or ask questions, worried they could lose their job.
• Lack of feedback training: No one has taught people how to effectively give and receive feedback.
• Punishment for speaking up: Offering constructive ideas or feedback means that you will be given more work without there being a reduction in other job responsibilities.
• The "no news is good news" mentality: The assumption that a lack of feedback means you're doing well.

If any of these characteristics sound familiar in your nonprofit organization, it's important to understand that the challenges you face in getting feedback aren't your fault. The culture itself can be a significant barrier.

However, that doesn't mean you're powerless (never that!). By learning how to effectively communicate your feedback preferences, you can start to shift the dynamic and create an environment that's more welcoming and supportive to your growth and development. Let's get into into how to do that now.

Identifying Your Ideal Feedback Style

The first step in asking for feedback is to get clear on how you prefer to receive it. When you work with me, this involves considering three key factors:

The "How" of Feedback

How would you like feedback to be delivered? Do you prefer it in person or virtually? Written or verbal? In private or in a group setting? Me personally, I prefer feedback to be written so I can process it on her own time, and delivered in a private one-on-one conversation.

To help you answer: How would you like feedback to be delivered, reflect on past feedback experiences to help you identify what works best for you.

For example, maybe you've found that feedback delivered with empathy and care, rather than bluntly, helps you be more open to it.

The "What" of Feedback

What kind of framing or language would you like your manager to use when providing feedback? When I work with nonprofit leaders, I might offer some example phrases like these:

• "I imagine your intention was X, but the impact was Y. Could we try Z instead?"
• "I know you're still learning, and I think trying A, B, and C could help you do W even better."
• "When I was in your position, I used to do X, Y, and Z. I recommend trying 1, 2, and 3 instead."

The key is to find language that acknowledges your growth goals, feels consensual and affirming to receive.

The "When" of Feedback

When is the best time for you to receive feedback? Are you more open to it first thing in the morning when you have the most energy, or do you need some time and space to process it, perhaps the next day? I want you to consider the timing in relation to specific events or meetings that happen around when you're asking for feedback.

For example, you might say, "Could we schedule a time tomorrow to discuss how I facilitated that last meeting? I'd love your feedback on what went well and what I could improve to make sure everyone feels heard and included."

By clearly communicating your preferences around the how, what, and when of feedback, you're setting yourself up for a more productive and powerful experience.

Crafting Your Feedback Request

Now that you've got all the ingredients to your ideal feedback style burger (if you will!), it's time to put that knowledge into practice by making a specific request to your manager. Here's a step-by-step approach:

1. Identify the Feedback You Need

Start by reflecting on the areas where you'd like to grow and improve. What specific skills or behaviors do you want to focus on?

For example, you might say, "I've been working on making sure everyone feels included and heard in our team meetings. I'd love your feedback on how I'm doing with that."

2. Propose the Feedback Format

Based on your preferences, suggest how you'd like the feedback to be delivered.

For instance this could sound like: "I find that I'm able to really absorb feedback best when it's provided in writing. Would you be able to send me some notes after our next 1-on-1?"

3. Suggest the Timing

This is your moment to suggest the most beneficial time for you to receive the feedback.

Like I mentioned, this could be immediately after a specific event or meeting, or at a later date when you've had time to process.

This request could sound like: "Would it be possible to schedule a 30-minute check-in tomorrow afternoon to discuss the feedback? I find that I'm able to really reflect on it best when it's fresh."

4. Express Your Openness

Finally, make it clear that you're open to the feedback, even if it's difficult to hear.

You might say something like, "I really appreciate you taking the time to provide this feedback. I'm ready to hear how I could improve on making folks feel included and heard in our meetings."

By framing your request in this way, you're demonstrating your growth mindset, building trust with your manager, and readying the ground for a productive feedback exchange.

Implementing the Feedback 

Once you've received the feedback you requested, the work ain't over yet. Now we want to take the necessary steps to turn that feedback into action so I suggest you consider these strategies:

Reflect and Respond

Take time to thoughtfully process the feedback, whether it's written or verbal. Identify the key takeaways and any areas that require more explanation or examples. Then, follow up with your manager to discuss your reflections and any questions you have.

Create an Action Plan

Based on the feedback, develop a plan for how you'll put it into practice. What specific steps will you take to address start growing in the direction of your self-defined goals? 

Ask for Additional Support

If the feedback demonstrates that there some skills and knowledge gaps in your skills or knowledge, don't be afraid to ask for more resources or training. This could include things like:

• Completing a relevant workshop or course (like my "So You Wanna Be Less Oppressive" 3-part workshop series)
• Requesting a coaching session with your manager or a leadership coach (like my one-time, coaching and consulting session called Spark Sessions)
• Finding a mentor who can provide ongoing guidance and support (if you'd like support around this, check out how you and I can work together)

Celebrate Your Progress

There's a phrase I heard once that was like, "what you don't celebrate, you can't integrate" so let's make sure you take some time to acknowledge your growth, no matter how small it is. Feedback is ultimately about improvement, not perfection. 

How to Cultivate a Feedback-Friendly Culture

While individual action is hella important because you have more power than you think you do, lasting change often requires addressing the systemic issues at play.

If your nonprofit is operating within a "culture of politeness or niceness," and you have the positional power to shift that dynamic, this could include:

• Advocating for formal feedback processes and training
• Challenging the stigma around direct communication and questioning the status quo
• Modeling vulnerability and openness to feedback at all levels of the organization
• Ensuring feedback is delivered in a trauma-informed, consent-based and generative manner
• Celebrating the folks who give and receive feedback as part of their commitment to growth

By taking these steps, you can help create a culture where feedback is seen as a valuable tool for collective learning and impact, instead of as something to be feared or avoided.

Putting it all together

Receiving feedback is a skill that requires practice and self-awareness, particularly for LGBTQ+ and BIPOC nonprofit leaders. I suggest focusing on understanding the nature of feedback, knowing your preferences, and seeking context for clarity.

If you enjoyed this blog post, you might also want to download the Feel Good Feedback Guide where I share even more detailed examples and structures about what to do when you're the feedback giver.

Here's a preview of what you will find in this 20ish page Feel Good Feedback Guide:

• Shared Language: Before we get into all the things, let's make sure we're operating from the same understanding. I'm sharing what I mean by consent-based, trauma-aware and generative.
• Methods of Feedback Delivery: I'm sharing 3 ways to ask or reflect on so you have a better sense of HOW, WHAT and WHEN to give feedback.
• Scenario Setup & Suggestions: I'm sharing recommendations for what you can do before, during and post giving feedback.
• Feedback Fuckery: Because I think it helps to see what NOT to do.
• Noteworthy: Naming shit that would be helpful for your feedback to be more likely to be implemented.

THIS IS HOW I CAN SUPPORT YOU...

My name is Petra Vega and I support BIPOC and Queer nonprofit leaders who want to speak up during crucial moments and meetings, even when self-doubt may be getting in the way.

As a Liberatory Leadership Coach, Emergent Strategist, Social Justice Facilitator, and Radical Social Worker, Petra weaves an anti-oppression lens, healing tools and playful possibility into WHO and HOW we lead.

🍄 Want to implement feedback that feels good for the receiver and the giver? Download the Feel Good Feedback Guide (it's free)

🍄 Ready to start unlearning oppressive beliefs and practices? Watch the 'So You Wanna Be Less Oppressive' Workshop Series