How to Receive Feedback Effectively as a LGBTQ+ or BIPOC Leader

We know feedback is hella important for personal and professional growth but sometimes the feedback we get as BIPOC and LGBTQ+ nonprofit leaders isn't actually feedback or the feedback is hard-to-hear so you're not sure how to process it. This blog post will name what to do and what not to do when receiving feedback so you can protect your self-esteem and focus on how you can grow as a leader.

Understand what feedback is and isn't

Feedback is defined as a response to a specific action, event, or behavior.

I want you to use this definition of what feedback is as you filter out whether this "feedback" you're getting is actually feedback or whether it's something else. Maybe you're really receiving criticism which is rooted in perceived faults or maybe you're on the receiving end of someone else trying to control you which is rooted in fear or scarcity.

• Criticism often points to perceived faults, such as "You're always late." (words like 'always' aren't usually accurate, but more so an exaggeration which isn't helpful when giving true feedback).
• Control can manifest as authoritative statements, like "You can't be late or you'll face XYZ consequences." (this is an ultimatum, not feedback).
• Feedback can sound like ""I noticed you were running a bit behind yesterday. Is there anything I can do to help you arrive on time?" (see how this statement focuses in on a specific event and behavior? See how there's a sense of care about this person's growth and goals and wanting to help them meet those things, not beat them down).

Recognizing these distinctions allows you to filter feedback meaningfully so that you're not out here accepting feedback from any and everyone.

Know how you like to receive feedback so that you can communicate that style to the person giving you feedback

Sometimes we can't even hear or process the feedback we're given because it's framed in a way that works for the feedback giver, not you, as the receiver. Each person has a unique way of receiving feedback and it's up to us to be able to communicate that unique way to others.

And I know so many folks who have never been asked "How do you like to receive feedback?" and we can change that. If you're not sure how you would respond to that question, read How to Give Negative Feedback where I share sentence stems, examples and timing considerations so you can tell someone exactly how you would like to give feedback.

Assess your openness, capacity and energy

Before agreeing to receive feedback, pay attention to your mental and emotional capacity.

I want to acknowledge that for those of us that have been masking, or code-switching or people pleasing for a long time that we may not have an accurate sense of whether or not we have the right energy or capacity for something. Give yourself some compassion for how you've had to show up in the past.

If you're not in the right headspace, it's perfectly fine to request a conversation to happen at a later time. You might say, “I want to be in a good frame of mind to engage in this discussion; can we talk about it later?”

Ask for Context and Examples

To fully grasp the feedback you're being given, ask for specific examples. Understanding the context helps clarify the intent behind the feedback and how it can contribute to your growth.

A simple follow-up question can transform the interaction: “Can you provide some examples to help me understand this feedback better?”

What to Avoid

Remember how I said not to accept feedback from any and everyone, now let me elaborate on that.

• Don't (indiscriminately) take feedback from everybody and they mama: As multiple-marginalized people we can be seen as the punching bag for other people's sh*t that ain't got nothing to do with us. It's important for us to discern between what feedback is actually meant to water our potential and what feedback is actually meant to diminish our potential.
• Watch out for your stress response: Resist the urge to fall into the fawn or fight response with the feedback you're given.
  • The fawn response could look like immediately collapsing and giving into the feedback receiver without getting examples and clarity on why the feedback was given and how it's going to be supportive for your self-defined goals and growth.
  • The fight response might look like being defensive and reactive in the moment. I'm not saying that the feedback receiver gets to talk to you any kind of way but I am a proponent of speaking from a balanced and grounded place and that sometimes can't happen when our lil amygdala get's all hot and activated.
  • If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, communicate your need for some space by saying "Hey, I really want to be in a good headspace so I can engage in this conversation without being defensive or reactive, would it be okay for us to discuss this at a later date?"
• Don't automatically take what the feedback receiver is telling you as truth with a capital T: Avoid treating feedback as an absolute truth. Consult trusted colleagues or friends to gain different perspectives. Asking others, “Have you noticed this behavior too?” can provide valuable context and help mitigate the impact of potentially harmful feedback.

Putting it all together

Receiving feedback is a skill that requires practice and self-awareness, particularly for LGBTQ+ and BIPOC nonprofit leaders. I suggest focusing on understanding the nature of feedback, knowing your preferences, and seeking context for clarity.

By avoiding common pitfalls, you can transform feedback into a powerful tool for personal growth and professional development.

If you enjoyed this blog post, you might also want to download the Feel Good Feedback Guide where I share even more detailed examples and structures about what to do when you're the feedback giver.

Here's a preview of what you will find in this 20ish page Feel Good Feedback Guide:

• Shared Language: Before we get into all the things, let's make sure we're operating from the same understanding. I'm sharing what I mean by consent-based, trauma-aware and generative.
• Methods of Feedback Delivery: I'm sharing 3 ways to ask or reflect on so you have a better sense of HOW, WHAT and WHEN to give feedback.
• Scenario Setup & Suggestions: I'm sharing recommendations for what you can do before, during and post giving feedback.
• Feedback Fuckery: Because I think it helps to see what NOT to do.
• Noteworthy: Naming shit that would be helpful for your feedback to be more likely to be implemented.

THIS IS HOW I CAN SUPPORT YOU...

My name is Petra Vega and I support BIPOC and Queer nonprofit leaders who want to speak up during crucial moments and meetings, without self-doubt dictating their worth, expertise or efforts.

As a Liberatory Leadership Coach, Emergent Strategist, Social Justice Facilitator, and Radical Social Worker, Petra weaves an anti-oppression lens, healing tools and playful possibility into WHO and HOW we lead.

🍄 Want to implement feedback that feels good for the receiver and the giver? Download the Feel Good Feedback Guide (it's free)

🍄 Ready to start unlearning oppressive beliefs and practices? Watch the 'So You Wanna Be Less Oppressive' Workshop Series